Satire Post: Warning, Books are Drugs!



I’ve discovered the most wonderful drug. You must have heard of it. Books, literature, the written word? One taste of “prose” and you’ll be gone for hours, maybe even days, only coming out of your stupor with drool running down your face and a jolt of lucid awareness that’ll have you asking for more.

Should you wish to try this drug, be sure to consult the following list of warnings.

1. Addiction

The Book-Drug is very addicting. You may not notice it at first due to the simplistic indulgence of lying back and curling up with the wafting pages or the soft glow of your eReader. But do not underestimate the power of the written word. This drug will take you by the horns and drag you down into a realm unlike any you’ve ever seen. There will be dragons, epic loves, and battles of heroes against villains that’ll make your heart patter like you’re actually there.

The worst of these drugs are in series, like an electrical current. You’ll go to one, then the next, then the momentum grows until you’re hopelessly trapped until the end. Oh, but my poor soul, when that end comes you’re going to feel it. You’re going to bust out of your stupor with a craving and utter sense of loss that you’ll never be able to resolve. Unless, of course, you find a new series to feed the addiction.

2.  Hallucination

The Book-Drug is a powerful hallucinogen. Entire worlds will flood your mind with colors and sounds and lights. You’ll have the impulse to share it with others around you. What glorious scenes have unfurled at the ends of your fingertips! Surely everyone must experience this wonder!

But, alas, your companions will give you that single brow-arched stare. They won’t have the drug, not quite yet. They’ll look at you with unsettled pity, or, if they’re addicted themselves, with a wild-eyed craving of want. Beware, they may just rip the book out of your hands and what’ll you do then? No, keep your hallucinations to yourself. Best course of action for all parties involved.

3. Emotional Displacement

The Book-Drug is best known for its effect of the “feels.” You thought you knew love? Or hate? Oh, my friend, you’ve known neither until you’ve tried the Book-Drug. You’ll fall for a man who’s only a powerful hallucination. You’ll sob uncontrollably for hours when he’s ripped away from you in the cruelest and most spectacular way. Just when you think you can’t take anymore, the “feels” come with a vengeance, powering you with uplifting awe until you’re in the stratosphere and can’t come down. There’s nothing else like it.

4. End-of-Drug Coma

Each dose of the Book-Drug is an intoxicating ride, but it does end. When that time comes you’ll slip the pages closed and stare into the abyss. This coma-like state has an indeterminate time of duration. You’ll be lost in a daze, reliving the past few hours over and over again until your brain is content to let it all go. But, let it go? No way! You’ll dive for a new dose of the Book-Drug once more, I assure you.

In all seriousness, I hope you’ve enjoyed this post. Books have always been a large part of my life. As I’ve become a studied writer, I’ve learned there’s so much more to this world of literature and I’ve continued to devour words, growing in ways I hadn’t imagined possible. Books are an amazing drug of which I’ll never get enough.


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